


The Reluctant Damsel

by Queen_in_the_North



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Damsel and hating every minute of it Edward, Dark Comedy, Hostage Situations, M/M, protective!Jon, really Roman what did you think was going to happen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-01
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2019-01-27 23:49:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,895
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12593312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queen_in_the_North/pseuds/Queen_in_the_North
Summary: Brilliant idea really. Kidnap the lover of the man who could make your worst fears come to life before your very eyes. What could possibly go wrong?





	The Reluctant Damsel

**Author's Note:**

> No, I'm not dead. I do apologize for my extended absence, but fate, or my job really, has kept me pretty damn busy. As a peace offering, I offer this tumblr prompt fill to tide you all over until the next PI series update. I hope you enjoy and see you again soon, hopefully.

Edward Nigma had faced several degrading situations in his career as Gotham’s premiere super criminal, but this? This was a new low.

His day had started off well enough. He’d showered, changed into his favorite suit, shouted his goodbyes to Jonathan as he was down working in the basement,  _again_  and had set out for his usual day of setting up his latest brilliant plan of placing carefully constructed trophies for a certain Dark Knight to find and lead him to a fiendishly clever trap. He’d found just the right spot actually, just outside an abandoned storefront in the old Industrial part of town. 

Unfortunately for him, he’d been so focused on getting the placement of the trophy _just so_  that he didn’t notice a van pull up alongside him. Neither did he notice the small group of men who had piled out. Not until they had grabbed him and pulled him into the van, peeling away before he could even get a word out in protest.

That had been six hours ago, give or take. Now, Edward was tied to a chair in an office room of one of the old Sionis plants, being guarded by two members of Sionis’ gang who weren’t worth the dirt on Edward’s shoes. One of them, a large, moronic looking man with a gold tooth, just smirked at him, while his companion, a younger, anxious looking man kept fidgeting with his sleeve.

“I don’t like this,” the man said. 

“You’re not paid to like it,” his boorish companion said, spitting onto the floor. “All we gotta do is keep an eye on the freak here until the boss says we can ice him. Then we get paid.”

The younger man shook his head. “Ice the Riddler? Just like that?”

“Yeah. Just like that. He’s not so tough. Not without his stupid riddles.“ The larger thug, who Edward hereby dubbed ‘Blithering Idiot Number One’, walked over to Edward and knocked his hat off his head. “The biggest genius in Gotham, nabbed by a couple of ‘morons’.  Anything to say, ‘genius’?

Edward did in fact have something to say about that, but the thick strip of tape across his mouth prevented that. He settled instead for a withering glare at Blithering Idiot Number One. The man laughed, then walked back over to where his companion, hereby known as ‘Blithering Idiot Number Two’, stood guard by the door.

“I don’t know man,” Blithering Idiot Number Two said, looking nervously between Edward and the door. “How long do we have to keep him here?”

“Just until the boss gets back what Crane robbed from him last week. Soon as that happens, he’ll kill Crane and we’ll kill Riddler. That’ll teach the freaks who really runs this town.”

That was the worst part of this whole ordeal. If Edward was going to be trussed up like this, couldn’t at least be for something he’d done himself, instead of being bait for Jonathan? Edward rolled his eyes. Brilliant idea really. Kidnap the lover of the man who could make your worst fears come to life before your very eyes. What could possibly go wrong? 

Blithering Idiot Number Two didn’t look convinced. “Can boss really kill Scarecrow? I’ve heard stories about him man. I heard he once took out a whole SWAT team with that stuff of his.”

Blithering Idiot Number One just laughed again. “Please. Scarecrow’s just a scrawny guy in a crappy Halloween costume. He’s nothing.”

Blithering Idiot Number Two was about to say something in response when a burst of gunfire came from somewhere in the warehouse. A loud scream followed.  _“Oh Jesus! They’re everywhere! Get them off!”_ Another voice called out _, “There he is! Kill him kill-”_ The voice was cut off after that.

Blithering Idiot Number Two looked wide-eyed at Blithering Idiot Number One. “Is that-” Another scream sounded, louder. Edward leaned forward in his chair. It seemed that Jonathan had finally decided to make his appearance.

Neither of the men said a word as the screams died down. Then, a new noise could be heard: an awful, scraping noise, that sounded like metal against metal. The noise grew louder as the additional sounds of footsteps could be heard making their way down the hallway towards the room. Edward’s eyes widened in recognition. Jonathan’s scythe. He settled back in his chair and waited. 

Blithering Idiot Number Two looked ready to piss himself, if he hadn’t already. “Oh shit, oh shit-”

“Just keep calm,” Blithering Idiot Number One said, pulling out his piece. Edward noticed that his hand was shaking. He felt some vindictive joy at that. Just a scrawny guy in a Halloween costume, right? Moron. “It’s just one guy and there’s two of us. We can take him.”

Blithering Idiot Number Two looked at him like he’d lost his mind. Perhaps Edward would need to readjust his opinion on him. Slightly. “There were three guys posted outside the warehouse man. He took them out. I’m not sticking around.” He turned to run out the door when he stopped dead in his tracks. 

Before them stood Jonathan in his full Scarecrow regalia, scythe in his hands. Blood dripped from the blade onto the floor. Jonathan said nothing to the man, looking behind him straight at Edward. Edward couldn’t see Jonathan’s face or eyes behind the burlap mask, but his rigid stance and tight grip on the scythe said everything. He was  _angry._

Blithering Idiot Number Two trembled before him. “Oh-oh God-”

“God’s not here boy,” Jonathan rasped out, his usual drawl intensified. “It’s just you and Scarecrow.”

Blithering Idiot Number Two backed up as Jonathan advanced. “Please, I was just following orders-you can have him back, just take him and go! Please don’t-”

“Don’t what child?” Jonathan, or rather Scarecrow, asked. “Kill you?” Jonathan lowered his scythe. “I won’t kill you.” Blithering Idiot Number two almost looked relieved until Jonathan raised up his right hand, the hand which held the weaponized gauntlet Edward had designed for him as an Anniversary present last year. “Tell me child,” Scarecrow said. “What do you fear?” Then he sprayed his toxin directly into the man’s face. He fell to the floor shrieking and thrashing. Jonathan must have prepared a stronger dose than usual. That would explain what had taken him so long to get here.

Scarecrow laughed at the display, then looked up towards where Blithering Idiot Number One stood by Edward. The other thug had done and said nothing as Jonathan had dosed his partner and from the smell in the room, had pissed himself. Once he made eye contact with Scarecrow though, he came back to himself and pointed his gun at Edward. “Don’t come any closer,” he said in a nearly hysterical tone of voice. “I’ll blow his fucking brains out! I mean it!” Edward was, for the first time during this escapade, slightly concerned.

Scarecrow said nothing, but took a step forward. Then another one. Edward could hear the gun rattling from the shaking of Blithering Idiot Number One’s hand. “I swear!” he half yelled, half screamed. “I’ll kill him!”

“And then I’ll introduce you to my fear toxin,” Scarecrow rumbled, and the tone of his voice made the hairs on the back of Edward’s head stand up. “You’ll see all of your worst fears. You’ll scream, you’ll cry, you’ll beg for mercy, but I won’t give it to you.” All while Scarecrow was speaking, he was walking towards them, until he stood directly in front of Blithering Idiot Number One.The man looked back and forth between Edward and Jonathan, unsure of who to shoot. Scarecrow laughed and it was a terrible sound. “And when you’ve screamed your throat raw, when you’ve clawed your eyes out and are lying in a puddle of your own filth, then, and only then will I show you mercy.” He raised his scythe high. “Only then, will I kill you.”

Blithering Idiot made up his mind and pointed his gun at Scarecrow. Too late. Scarecrow swung down and struck the man’s arms. He dropped the gun and fell to his knees screaming, desperately trying to staunch the bleeding with his other hand. Scarecrow raised his scythe again and this time, sliced at the man’s throat. The blood gushed out onto the floor and the man fell over gurgling. Soon enough, he made no noise. The only sound was Scarecrow’s breathing, coming in fast and deep. He let out a deep sigh and set the scythe down onto the floor. He raised his hands up and took off his mask with one and ran the other through his hair. He turned to Edward then and Edward felt his shoulders sink in relief. Jonathan had come back to himself.

Jonathan stepped over Blithering Idiot Number One’s body and walked to where Edward sat. He took off his gauntlet and placed his fingers by the corner of the tape that covered Edward’s mouth. “Hold still. This’ll sting a bit.” He quickly ripped the tape off.

He wasn’t kidding. It stung. A lot. “Jesus!” Edward hissed out. Now that his mouth was free, he took a deep breath and immediately started in on Jonathan. “What took you so long?”

“Nice to see you too Darlin’,” Jonathan drawled as he leaned down to untie him. 

“Well I don’t mean to complain, but-”

“I didn’t believe it at first.”

Edward raised an eyebrow at that. ”What? That someone of my brilliant intellect could be taken by this refuse?”

“No,” Jonathan answered, as he undid the last knot. “That someone would be stupid enough to take what’s mine.”

Edward wasn’t sure how to answer that, so as soon as the ropes fell away, he stood up stretching his arms above his head. “What a sorry state of affairs this is,” he complained, rubbing the circulation back into his wrists. “When exactly was I reduced to being nothing more than your damsel in distress?”

Edward was cut off by Jonathan taking his wrists into his own hands and gently rubbing them. “Are you alright?” he asked softly. 

“Wonderful,” Edward said acerbically. “Just a bruised ego, but that’s nothing a few hours ruining Sionis’ credit can’t fix.” Jonathan had no response to that, but his gaze darkened. Edward realized he was looking at the angry red marks the rope had left around his wrists. “I’m alright Jonathan,” he said softly. “I promise.”

Jonathan raised Edward’s hands up to his mouth and softly kissed his knuckles. “Good.”

The moment was interrupted by the sound of whining coming from the door. Blithering Idiot Number Two. Edward had nearly forgotten he was there. Jonathan looked towards where his scythe was laid down. “I should kill him,” he murmured.

“No,” Edward said.

Jonathan looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “Showing mercy are we?”

“Oh Hell no,” Edward answered. “I still have that trap I was planning for Batman, remember? You’re not the only one who needs test subjects. But that can wait. First I need to shower these barbarian’s stink off me.” He then playfully bunched his hand in Jonathan’s shirt. “Then,” he purred. “I think you deserve a reward for so gallantly coming to my rescue.”

Jonathan smiled then, and wrapped his arms around Edward’s waist. ”Then by all means, lead the way Darlin’.”

Perhaps today wasn’t a total loss for Edward after all.


End file.
